Today’s prompt is to share “a talent of yours.”

I had to think about this. What is talent? If I were to ask someone at random to define talent, I’d probably be given several examples, such as the ability to play a musical instrument, to dance, or to sing.

I kind of disagree with this sort of definition. Anyone can theoretically learn skills of this with enough training and perseverance. Anyone can theoretically master these sorts of skills with enough practice.

In reality, though, some people seem naturally to be better at certain things. We tend to attribute this to talent. But what is talent? I think it’s mostly a matter of someone making the correct initial assumptions about how to do something. It’s also a matter of how quickly someone understands new facts and techniques related to the skill.

So someone who randomly picks up a violin and bow in a more correct way than someone else, someone who is able to quickly grasp concepts such as tonality and tempo, would be said to have more talent on the violin than someone else.

Do I have this sort of talent in anything? Yes, but they are sadly not in the performing arts. I do not know how to play any instruments, to dance, or to sing. I certainly don’t know how to lip-sync a conversation. What I do have talent in is making goofy doodles, teaching computers to behave, and inventing witty captions.

Who needs to beware the Ides of March when you’ve got Blog Blah? What’s that? So glad you asked. According to Patrick Says:


It’s sitting in front of a blank post screen for nearly fifteen minutes and not coming up with a single idea or topic. It’s wondering whether it’s time to scrap the whole thing. It’s looking at your last five posts and realizing that all you’ve done is complain and moan about how you have nothing to talk about except acne cleanser or whatnot.

It’s an apathetic ennui. A feedback loop fed by a feeling of a lack of creativity and a runaway internal editor. In my case, my mental reserves seem to be exhausted by midafternoon, leaving me a burned-out husk for the remainder of the evening. Like a hollowed out baked potato. One without the benefit of additional cheese and bacon bits to transform it from kitchen scraps back into a tasty snack. Huh. Now I think I may be more appetized than exhausted. That might be a good sign.

It’s what I’m suffering from. And I’m not sure how you fix it. I guess it’s about focusing on why I starting blogging in the first place. And getting back to that.

Since it seems like publicly declaring that something is going to happen is a very good way of making sure it won’t happen, maybe fixing it is as simple as declaring that it can’t be fixed. To goad someone into popping up and proving my thoroughly embarrassed self completely wrong. Let’s hope that happens— er what I meant to say was that the very idea is completely preposterous.

Due to imbalances in the cosmos, radiation emitted by soil, and other random factors operating to my disfavor, I find myself engaged in the unenviable task of shopping for an automobile. I would almost rather go to the dentist than endure a barrage of sales pitches. It’s not that I fear saying no. It’s just that my noes are more often than not interpreted as a suggestion to try harder. Now, I understand that people want to do their best at their job. I certainly don’t blame anybody for that. But for some reason when I finally do make myself perfectly understood, it somehow comes across as astonishingly rude. Needless to say, by the time that point has been reached, the entire exercise will have become a phenomenal waste of time for all parties involved.

Now where was I? Oh yes, automobiles. I decided that I did not want another four door sedan. So the first offering I tested was the Kia Rondo, which might be described as either a mini-minivan or a jumbo wagon.

The vehicle had some nice features. I found the Rondo to be surprisingly maneuverable for a vehicle of its size. There was pretty good visibility all around, and I never felt like another vehicle might be lurking in a blind spot.

The cabin seemed roomy and spacious, not only to myself, but also to my giant passenger. We found that there was lots of clever storage space in the Rondo: cupholders everywhere, clips for papers on the sun visors, a three-tier center divider with a chamber at the base for charging one’s mobile devices, and also some sort of purse hook or something on the passenger side.

The horn also had the cutest little honk.

However, there were a few important things that I disliked about the Rondo.

First of all, I didn’t care for was the steering. At twelve o’clock on the wheel, there was a dead zone of about five minutes. While this may help to keep some drivers from zigzagging all over the road, it might have actually caused me to start zigzagging. I’m just not used to having a dead zone on the wheel and found myself hunting for its edges.

One of my major complaints is with the gas pedal. It seemed as though it were more of a pushbutton than an analog control. In other words, press to go, press hard to really go, and let go to stop. This may work really well for racing video games, but it does not work so well in the real world. This vehicle was lurching down the street like Frankenstein’s monster.

Frankenstein's Monster

Mrrrngh! Rnngngn!

As comfortable as it might have been, sitting in the driver’s seat of this vehicle reminded me of an office chair I had many years ago. The hinge linking the plastic seat to the base was broken, and it acted more like a ball joint. Sitting in that awful office chair was a constant balancing act, as the seat would tip backward, forward, left or right at the slightest movement.

Maybe it’s that I just wasn’t driving the vehicle the way it should have been driven. But even traveling down the freeway, which really didn’t call for changes in acceleration or course, this vehicle would gyrate like a seesaw bolted crosswise to a teeter totter.

In conclusion, while this vehicle might well be perfect for somebody else, somebody with a lot of passengers, I was not impressed. I fancy something a bit more sporty than this, something more stable, something less lurchy.

Remember how I just knew that something would come along and bury my NaBloPoMo groove? Indeed. I spent a night in a hospital waiting room chair (which crunched up my shoulder something fierce) only to learn that the person that I played ambulance for was not suffering from any immediately life-threatening conditions, but only a particularly uncomfortable case of indigestion. Thank goodness for that, of course. The staff all said that we had done the right thing, but had I known better, I could have just prescribed the Alka-Seltzer myself.

So yeah. A little scary. I guess that the moral of the story is to avoid spicy fried chicken sandwiches in general, and to not eat them with taco sauce in particular.

People often ask me, “You’re so grumpy all the time! Why are you so grumpy? Smile! No, that’s… no… you’re doing it wrong… oh, close enough. Can you fix my Outlook?”

The answer is, of course, that a good night’s rest will do wonders for anybody’s outlook. That, and not using the trash as long-term storage. However, I find that I most often encounter the following ten obstacles to a good night’s rest.

10. Neighbors’ Screaming Kids
I remember that there was a time (and it was not so long ago) when just as soon as the first rays of dawn fell across my face, I would leap out of bed and scream “Hooray!” I would frolic through the house, whooping with joy. A new day, full of possibilities! It was all so exciting! Until, of course, a grumpy parent would emerge, and with grimace or glare, and instruct me to “be quiet or play outside.”
9. Unattended Alarm Clocks
So, Neighbor, I see from the absence of your slogan-bearing SUV that you’ve left town for a few days. Have you remembered everything? Sunscreen? Change the oil? Take out the trash? Have you turned off your alarm clock? I didn’t think so. Apparently, you don’t realize that it’s going to squawk and screech continuously until you return? Or perhaps you just don’t care.
8. Boom Cars
Unless you’re driving an ice cream truck, your music should stay inside your vehicle. And if you are driving an ice cream truck, then why the heck are you visiting in the middle of the night?
7. Mystery Bells
I didn’t even know there were any large bells in my neighborhood until a few days ago, when one clanged and bonged with vigor and zeal. The only meaning that my befogged brain could attach to the outburst was that De Plane had finally arrived at Fantasy Island. “Smiles, everyone! Smiles!
6. Garbage Day
Huge truck! Robotic claw! Tons of rubbish flying through the air! Need I explain further? It would be a breathtaking spectacle of modern living if only it would happen an hour or so later in the day. But, the fact that there exists someone whose job it is to take my trash to the dump so that I don’t have to do it myself makes this one bearable.
5. “Urgent” Text Messages
From time to time, on a relatively peaceful morning, I’ll be instantly awakened by the dreaded cheerful fanfare of a text message. As my trembling fingers reach for the phone that is buzzing like a giant hornet, visions of smoke-belching servers fill my mind. Is this the Big One?
HAY CAN U FIX MY OUTLOOK?
Wow, thanks a lot, early-rising co-worker. That adrenaline surge is way better than a cup of coffee... which I'm going to pour over your head when I get to work.
4. The Trash Bum
In these depressing economic times, more and more families are choosing to defend the environment and supplement their income by recycling. Good for them, right? The problem is that they're recycling my recyclables. Ordinarily, I wouldn't raise much of a fuss about this, since I don't really care whether Edco or somebody else empties the little blue bin, just as long as it gets emptied (and not just into the big brown garbage bin, thank you very much.) In this case, however, I will raise a fuss, mainly since the Trash Bum comes in the dead of night with his rattling bags of cans and bottles, to dig through the blue bin (also full of rattling cans and bottles) for cans and bottles to add to his clinking, clanking, clattering collection.
3. Birds
My neighborhood is apparently a waypoint on the migratory path of a flock of green parrots. While in town, they roost in a big weird tree across the street. Perhaps roost is the wrong word. I think party might be more accurate. Perhaps even frat party. These birds have two calls, "Brah!" and something that sounds suspiciously like bird laughter. The bird party starts just after dawn and lasts until just before I walk out the door, at which point the birds flock en masse to (I can only assume) the nearest Denny's.
2. Mr. Gentleman
This spot is reserved for the notorious Mr. Gentleman, my former upstairs neighbor. Mr. Gentleman would arrive home promptly at 11:00 PM, at which point he would turn up his television to maximum volume, perhaps so that he could listen to it from the big weird tree across the street. He would then ignore the television (as well as the front door) until about three or four in the morning, at which point he'd call it a night.
1. Gravity
Because even if I were to take a nap in a soundproof, lightproof, climate controlled Cold War bunker on the edge of nowhere, gravity will still accelerate me at 9.8 meters per second per second into my sleeping surface.

Actually, this will be more of a Tuesday-Monday update, but that hasn’t got quite the same ring to it. Anyway…

Tuesday
In fact, I worked Tuesday, and then raced breathlessly home to await the arrival of houseguests, who, as it turned out, were actually arriving Wednesday. Well! Free night then.
Wednesday
The guests did arrive Wednesday afternoon, and after resting for a bit, declared that they’d like to visit a tourist attraction. Well, by that time of day, most everything was closing, except for the zoo and the maritime museum, both of which would be open until 9:00 PM. Even though seeing the “night time zoo” would have been interesting, we didn’t think we’d see enough of it to justify the $35 tickets. The maritime museum was a relative steal at $14, and we were able to see the Star of India, the world’s oldest active ship; the HMS Surprise, from the movie Master and Commander; the Berkeley, a 19th century steam ferry; and the B-39, a Soviet attack submarine.
submarina

Thursday
Our appetite for tourist attractions led us to Balboa Park on Thursday. The park was host to the 1915 Panama-California Exposition and the 1935 California Pacific International Exposition. Many of the buildings constructed for these fairs still stand and house museums of all kinds. However, much of our time here was spent looking for Geocaches. We found almost a dozen, although one in particular eluded us.
arcade

Friday
And then on Friday, we embarked on our greatest adventure, a pilgrimage to that pop-culture Mecca, the San Diego Comic-Con. A festival of arts, science fiction, and fantasy! A pageant of costumes, collectibles, and celebrity! A feast of sights, sounds, smells—

Ahh, who am I kidding? Within about an hour or so, I was ready to leave again. The convention center is a huge space, but in the interest of maximization of return on investment, the largest possible number of people were stuffed into that space. I hate crowds, really, I do. And yet, it seemed like last year, the place was far more crowded. Perhaps the economy’s to blame.
comics bot 2000

It’s been said before that crowd control at this event is poor. I think what is really required is traffic control. It’s a chore to move from one area in the exhibit hall to another. People are doing foolish things such as walking abreast in groups, stopping dead in the aisle to talk to other members of their party (in person or on the phone) and, perhaps worst of all, pausing for photo opportunities. At least there seemed to be very few meandering baby strollers this year. I wouldn’t recommend bringing anyone younger than ten, anyway.

It’s also been said that every year, the Comic-Con is a little less about comics and a lot more about Hollywood. It’s true. Thinking back to the panels I attended, only two had any direct connection to comics, and I hadn’t planned on attending either. The others, except for a panel on LEGO, were all related to television or cinema. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, necessarily, but I wonder if someday soon the Comic-Con will follow the example of the Sci-Fi SyFy Channel and rebrand itself more accurately.

And it may soon get the opportunity to do so. The organization that puts on the Comic-Con apparently has a contract with the San Diego Convention Center that will expire soon, and unless the city coughs up some dough to further expand the convention center, the Con may pack up its bags and move to Las Vegas, Anaheim, or Los Angeles. However, the perpetually bankrupt city seems to have other priorities, such as building a new city hall and a new downtown library.

Monuments to one’s own greatness are all well and good, but ensuring one’s income is perhaps more important. Both the Comic-Con and the Chargers both bring revenue to the city, and yet it seems like City Hall is unconcerned with losing either.

Ahem. Anyway, I seem to have gone off track just a bit.

Saturday
Yes, back to the Con, the very next day. I’d say that the highlights of the day were the Quick Draw panel featuring cartooning improvisation by Sergio Aragones and others, and of course the Cartoon Voices panel, which was as entertaining as ever. There was also Warehouse 13
warehouse13
…and, last but not least, the Q&A with the Mythbusters.

And that brings me to the lowlights of the day. In order to be guaranteed seats for the Mythbusters, my companions and I had to sit through two other presentations. One was a screening of The Human Target which is an action-adventure show about a man who apparently can be hired to avert assassinations by employing generous amounts of dramatic license and made-up physics. I’m told I missed a hitman meeting a spectacularly gruesome demise in a train tunnel, as I was too busy rolling my eyes at the parachutes that the hero MacGyvered out of tarps and seatbelts.

But the next screening made the last look like a work of genius. The Vampire Diaries made one of my companions declare that he wanted to bash his own head in with a rock. “Let’s take everything on TV that I don’t like and put it all into one show!” The nail in the coffin seemed to come when an audience member asked the panel how they’d keep the characters from becoming “CW characters… vapid teenyboppers.” After much hemming and hawing, the answer was “That’s a good question.”

And that pretty much wrapped it up for the Con. Afterward, we went to Islands for hamburgers.

Sunday
My guests departed early Sunday morning, and much of the rest of the day was spent in a marathon viewing of Torchwood: Children of Earth which had been accumulating on my TiVo. It seems as though there ought to be a trope for a last-minute ending that’s really dramatic, wraps everything up in a tidy package, and is based on technobabble or otherwise seems fabricated. I’d call it a Star Trek Ending, after that show’s fondness for technobabble-based solutions— but I already use that term to mean a last-minute ending that’s based on the main character making an impassioned speech. trek

Any suggestions?

So, Dear Readers, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the forum. Wait, I don’t have a forum. Perhaps I was on the way to the bathroom. Or the tire shop. Which is the one with the plastic hamburger on top? I guess it was the forum after all.

Anyway, I spent many hours writing the perfect post on whatever it was that finally roused me from my work induced catatonia liquor induced stupor miasma of laziness. It was brilliant, if I do say so myself, truly the greatest post in the world. No sooner did I hit save than did Thingamablog eat my post and then figuratively shoot itself in the figurative head. I screamed and wailed and whispered vile obscenities, but all for naught. Thingamablog, my formerly beloved desktop blogging application, had choked on its own database and was now a vegetable.

At this point, I could either repeat what I did last time, what with the downloading, and the Perl, and the recategorizing, and the blah blah blah. But as the man once said, “Foomafool, can’t get fooled again.” And so I decided to join the year 2009, already in progress. I know I always said I’d go for Joomla if I ever had to make the switch, having used it for other projects, but having used Joomla for other projects, I know that it (like many other things) is great for some purposes and not so much for others. So, WordPress, then.

Fortunately, I had a friend who was technically savvy enough to help me set WordPress up on my computer. The odd thing is that nobody seems to be able to see or hear him but myself. Weird. Oh, and he asked to be paid in Quatloos. Like I said, weird. Anyway, I was able to import an RSS backup I fortunately thought to make a while back. And then I imported my existing feed, leaving only a very small gap which I was able to fill by (sigh) downloading, and Perl, and blah dee blah blah. And then I found a way, even, to transfer my comments from Haloscan, though even that required downloading and Perl and blah dee blah quack quack. And the comment count isn’t correct on the front page, for some reason.

So, yeah.

How’s your week going?

So, you may ask, what's new? Read any good books lately? Seen any shows? Freak out your coworkers? Have you done anything worth sharing?

The answers are:

  1. Nothing, as in what did you learn in school today, dear? Nothing.
  2. Read, yes. Good, meh
  3. Only the Watchmen, and that's so three-weeks-ago
  4. No, they're used to it now.
  5. I did build one ofthese…

Do you ever wonder whether you’re having a lucky day or an unlucky day?

This morning, I was cleaning out the big closet. Back before I moved in, I was told it was a "walk-in" closet. Since then, there have only been a few times that I’ve ever been able to walk all the way into it. I decided it was about time for spring cleaning, so I began mining my way into its depths.

I was showing somebody an old scanner and talking about X-Y tables, when suddenly, the light fixture detached itself from the ceiling and plunged downwards, just barely grazing past me, before shattering against the floor!

Clearly, it could only have been the work of a ghost, one that was somehow angered by my talk of X-Y tables.

Well, despite my close brush with supernatural agencies, I was able to fill four big boxes with e-waste, which I will take to the recyclers, er… "soon." Until then, I’ve put the boxes back into the closet, which means that it is still not cleaned out. In fact, the only difference seems to be that the junk is now in a different configuration, and the entire mess is now lit by the harsh glare of a bare bulb. Another job well done!

Once I got done with that, I thought I’d clean up my work bench. After a bit of sorting and tidying, I thought I’d turn off the fluorescent light. Well, there are two ways to do that. The easy way is to push the little glowing button on the power strip… which turns everything else off, too. Not very convenient if one has batteries to charge, etc. The other way is to kind of reach back behind the objects that don’t have anywhere else to go (on account of the closet being full of junk) and then unplug the lamp from the socket. Ahh, you see where this is going, don’t you?

ZURRRRRRCHHH!

Fortunately, the worst that happened was that all those objects that didn’t have anywhere else to go suddenly found themselves going elsewhere. The floor, in this case. I was thus left with yet another mess to clean up as a result of even daring to clean up the original mess.

But despite all that, and despite the helicopter even now circling the neghborhood (which I insist that I know absolutely nothing about), I don’t really feel that it’s been a particularly lucky or unlucky day… just an interesting one.

This weekend was rather disappointing. For much of Saturday, I was occupied with work-related issues. Sunday was hardly more rewarding, though I did at last complete my Weird Sound Generator.

Weird Science

Now, let’s turn from the WSG to BSG. After diligently clicking away from any potential Internet spoilers, I finally got to watch the return of Battlestar Galactica thanks to the magic of TiVO. I thought the mid-season cliffhanger was brilliant. Of course, I also thought Farscape’s final scene was brilliant- after all that Aeryn and John have been through and done, in the end, they’re mowed down for trespassing. Genius!

Now, what I didn’t particularly care for was the wait of almost a year to find out What Happens Next, and I must admit that by the time the ads for the new episodes rolled around, I was only mildly curious as to the answer to that question. And I really didn’t care much who the Last Cylon was. That revelation came as no real shock, as they planted the idea way, way, way back when Baltar invented the Cylon detector. What did surprise me was the existence of other Cylons.

What I suspect we will learn is that Earth just happens to be about 2,000 light years from the Colonies. Some of the Cylons of Earth, having knowledge of their Impending Doom™, found a way to encode themselves as pure information, and then transmitted the information in the direction of the Colonies. The signal reached the Colonies and was received by the Colonial Cylons. The signal overwrote their Colonial programming, replacing it with programming from Earth. This programming resulted in the war, the creation of hybrids, and finally the return of the bio-Cylons. Of course, this scenario raises the question of how the Earth Cylons could know that the Colonies would have their own Cylons to receive the signal.

Now, even if the above happens to be proven incorrect, there’s at least one more very good question. First of all, who nuked Earth? We were all too ready to believe that the Cylons reached Earth first, perhaps even during the Cylon War, and we were also ready to believe the anvilicious idea that Earth nuked itself, which still may prove to be the case. However, think back to Kobol. In more than one instance, the Colonial gods were spoken of not as abstract personifications, but as tangible beings. So perhaps Earth was the recipient of the wrath of the gods.

Then there’s the question of the corpse of Kara Thrace. Though it wouldn’t be a terribly original idea, perhaps there’s some kind of Keeper of Earth waiting for the return of the bio-Cylons. When Starbuck’s ship fell into the vortex, it was actually wormholed to Earth, where she would have been given a sign by the Keeper and then be sent back to lead the others. Unfortunately, she crashed. The Keeper then had no choice but to extract what memories it could from the corpse and then implant them into a clone.

Finally, there’s the question of what role Hera, the hybrid child of human and Cylon, has to play in the future. If the idea of wrathful space gods turns out to be true, then perhaps it’s the case that the gods themselves are human-Cylon hybrids from an even earlier trip around the wheel.