The loud pops just heard outside signal that the evening’s festivities have begun. Tonight, we celebrate the incrementing of the year. The year 2009 will be no longer. In its place, will be a shining blank slate, 2010. What wonders will await us in 2010?

If you’d asked me this question in the year 2000, I’d have guessed that the world would have sunk into anarchy, not because of Y2K, but because of oil shortages. And, hey, that came close to being true. Why, if you’d have asked me during the gas crisis, I’d have sworn we’d be at six, eight, maybe ten dollars per gallon by now. But that gas crisis was caused by a gaming of the market, just as was the collapse of the real estate bubble at about the same time.

If you asked me about 2010 in the year 1990, I’d have confidently predicted that virtual reality, robots, neural interfaces, and cybernetics would be commonplace. Hardly an original prediction. But it must be said that we do have all these things, though most of them are in the early experimental phase.

I would say that technically, VR is the closest to being commonplace— take World of Warcraft, for example— but is still pretty far from the full-immersion sensory smorgasbord most of us imagined.

As for robots, we have autonomous floor sweepers, which technically count, though they’re a far cry from the robot butlers we imagined back then. We have butler-like robots who can sing and dance, who can climb stairs… and occasionally fall down the stairs.

Neural interfaces and cybernetics show promise. There have been experiments that have enabled the blind to somewhat see, the deaf to somewhat hear, and the paralyzed to control computers. There have been some amazing prosthetic limbs protoyped. Sadly, it’s still a way from mass production.

Now, if you had asked me in 1980 what the year 2010 would hold, I would have, without hesitation, described vast fleets of spaceships swooshing through the solar system. They would, almost certainly, have been almost identical to those seen in Star Trek and Buck Rogers in the Twenty-Fifth Century.

Ask me about 2010 now and I’ll guess that mobile and cloud computing reach a critical mass and become the norm rather than an alternative. I admit, not nearly as dramatic as spaceships, cyborgs, and/or anarchy. But, I think it’s quite likely to happen. I guess we’ll have to wait and see, won’t we?

Happy New Year!

disco ball

With the New Year roaring toward us like some glitter-coated tsunami of cheap champagne and sparkling cider, some of us are fretting over what to call the soon-to-end decade. There are many ideas, such as the Aughts, the Naughty Aughties, the Oh-Ohs, and the Two Thousands. These ideas haven’t stuck because, well, they’re contrived and stupid.

According to this article in the Washington Post suggests, we may as well forget about it, since there are plenty of other phenomena that nobody’s bothered to invent terms for yet. But that’s another post.

As far as I’m concerned, we already have a perfectly good name for such a decade, and that is turn of the century.

Meanwhile, Star Trek’s Synthohol is getting closer to reality. Whereas Trek’s brew was imagined to have “all the taste” of alcohol with “none of the effects,” the new substance would be a completely flavorless beverage additive (similar to caffeine), and its effects could quickly be “switched off” by taking a pill. What sort of effects? Well, the researchers are currently investigating the benzodiazepines, of which diazepam, the chief ingredient of Valium is a member. So that should give you some idea.

Finally, because of the timing of the lunar cycle, this year will have an extra full moon— a “blue” moon. It will fall on New Year’s Eve.

blue moon

Most of us now consider Christmas to be over. Well, some of us do continue the holiday for the full twelve days, of which the 25th is the first. But most of us consider the 25th to be the first and last day. I know that I, for one, won’t be ready to look Santa Claus in the eye for at least another 350 days.

So, what have we learned this time around?

  • French Toast is ever so much better when you don’t use pre-sliced sandwich bread. If you get a loaf of unsliced bread from a bakery and saw it into thick slabs, your toast turns out ever so much better. It’s also much more filling. One slice of that is plenty.
  • With enough cloves, pineapple, and glaze, you can doctor up one of those guitar-pick-shaped canned hams to have an appetizing appearance… on the outside, anyway. The inside will still look like SPAM®.
  • A pre-made pie from the supermarket bakery is ever so much better after it’s been warmed in the oven. I mean, duh, but, like, wow.
  • Not to sound like a post-Christmas Scrooge, but I’m quite ready for the grocery store to switch out its Christmas Muzak with the slightly less annoying rest-of-the-year stuff.
  • A Normal-sized reindeer with proficiency in hand-to-hand combat can overpower a Non-Skilled Vagabond. You can’t argue with video evidence.
  • If someone at your office gives you The Flu for Christmas, you can’t return it… but you can re-gift it.
    bacteria with bow

The question has been put forth: Who is tougher, Ten Lords A-Leapin’ or Eight Tiny Reindeer?

Ten Lords A-Leapin'

Ten Lords A-Leapin'

Eight Tiny Reindeer

Eight Tiny Reindeer


vs.



A most curious conundrum! But I know of one way to solve it. Bring on the dice!

PRNG

Yes, let us reduce this clash of holiday symbols to nothing more than a random encounter in a fantasy roleplaying game that shall remain nameless! (Hint: two consonants and an ampersand.)

Ahem. So. Let us first consider the case of the eight tiny reindeer. Reindeer fall into the category of Herd Beast, “the tiniest of which will have one hit point” each. Such a beast will get one attack per round, most likely a bludgeoning attack with the beast’s horns. Normally, this would do something like 1-6 points of damage, but since the reindeer are Tiny, there is a penalty to their Strength. So let’s say a generous 1-4 points of damage per round. We are also meant to assume that these are the magical flying reindeer of the North Pole, so aerial combat bonuses will apply. As magical flying creatures, these reindeer have the highest maneuverability class. This means that each reindeer can attack once per round, rather than spending time circling around for another pass. The reindeer can also take the Charging bonus (+2 to hit, -2 to AC) each time that conditions are favorable.

Let us now consider the case of the leaping lords. We will assume that a lord is simply a non-player character of the Aristocrat class. An aristocrat will have 1-8 hit points per level and “is proficient in the use of all simple and martial weapons.” Let us assume that the aristocrats are armed with daggers or staves. They can therefore do up to six points of damage per round.

Based on this information alone, we can calculate that a reindeer will require at least two successful attacks on a lord to defeat him, whereas a lord will take out a reindeer with each successful attack. The deck is stacked in the lords’ favor. Never mind that the lords outnumber the reindeer by two.

The next question is, how likely is it that a lord will hit a reindeer and vice-versa? Let us assume that the lords are wearing nothing more than heavy winter clothing. The reindeer, being herd beasts, have no special armor bonus either. They do get a small size bonus, but this is canceled out by the Charging penalty. We also assume that the lords are level one, so they get no particular to-hit bonus. Therefore, no team has a hit probability advantage over the other.

In order for the reindeer to prevail, they must win the initiative die roll to attack first, and then successfully strike with maximum damage against a party of low (<5) hit point lords. With incredible luck, the reindeer could defeat eight of the lords in the first round. The reindeer may suffer up to two losses when the lords retaliate, but then the remaining lords would certainly be defeated in the second round as the remaining reindeer concentrate their attacks.

The possibility of the above scenario is incredibly remote. Therefore, I predict that the lords will usually win.

Winner!

Winner!

Edit: This post has been voted into the Best of Holidailies list. Thank you, Holidailies readers!

Yesterday, I went on another (short) walk along the San Diego harbor. I was there last month and saw some interesting sculptures, commissioned by the Port of San Diego for its Urban Trees program. I took a different route this time around, and was rewarded with new sights.

continuum

Such as the pictogram-like tree, above.

dark

The mood of this tree seems to change depending on the position of the sun.

light

It’s hard to decide which I prefer.

synthesis

This one was clanking in the wind. But the wind didn’t stop there.

The “popcorn” actually appeared to be rubber chickens. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a sudden, inexplicable craving for boneless chicken wings…

Yesterday, I considered posting a video as the answer to “Favorite Animated Christmas Movie,” “Favorite Christmas Carol,” and “Least Favorite Christmas Carol.” The thing is, it would have been the same video each time, which would have not been amusing unless done enough times and with proper timing to become a running gag.

So, anyway, the video in question is called “Christmas Tauntauns” and was an entry into a Star Wars fan film contest some years ago. This video (I believe) was the favorite of George Lucas himself. I think it’s rather obvious why. And that, my feiends, is why “Christmas Tauntauns” is simultaneously (one of) my favorite holiday animated feature(s), (one of) my favorite Christmas carol(s), and also (one of) my least favorite Christmas carol(s).

P.S. I also find her teeth mildly unsettling.

Today’s post is brought to you by Sunday Stealing. When you think of stealing, think of Sunday Stealing.

1. What is your favorite holiday show/animated show?
I happen to like Scrooged… but everyone happens to like that movie, so I can’t possibly submit that as my answer. Instead, I submit The He-Man She-Ra Christmas Special. It makes up for its utter cheesiness with a moment of unbelieveably cheesy cheesiness. After Skeletor saves two children, he then with dismay asks, “This… is Christmas?” He then yechs, “Well, I don’t like feeling good. I like feeling evil, evil, evil!” All laugh.
This... is Christmas?

This... is Christmas?

2. What holiday character do you think you’re most like?
I am like a Polar Elf, thanklessly stamping out thousands of toys per hour ostensibly for the enjoyment of ungrateful children. And who gets all the praise? A fat old man in a red suit.
3. What holiday character does your spouse think you’re most like?
“I don’t know. Who comes up with this stuff?”
4. Favorite Christmas/holiday song?
Here We Come A Wassailing. You don’t hear it as often as the others. Also, it’s not about fictional characters, but a door-to-door party.
5. Most hated Christmas/holiday song?
“Deck the Halls” has basically become the Christmas Jingle and has therefore lost all appeal.
6. If you have an all holiday music radio station when do you start listening to it?
As soon as I step through the doors of the grocery store.
7. If you have an all holiday music radio station do you love it or hate it?
It’s not the station itself I dislike so much as those tired old tunes it dispenses ‘round-the-clock.
8. Have you ever wrapped yourself as a Christmas present?
No, but now that you mention it, I think I’ll go make a festive holiday suit out of wrapping paper scraps.
9. Who is Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer’s father?
Some say it was Dasher, some say it was Comet. Others say it was Santa Claus himself, and this was why Rudolf has had preferential treatment ever since that foggy Christmas Eve. I have my own theory. The father of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is none other than Reddy Kilowatt!kilothumb
10. Do you drive your neighborhood or one near you at night to look at other people’s holiday decorations?
I don’t drive myself around to look at light bulbs, much less the whole neighborhood.
11. When you see a heavily decorated house do you think, ‘oh that’s lovely’? Or do you think, ‘oh criminy, that looks like Christmas threw up all over their lawn’?
Well, it does look like Christmas threw up all over their lawn.
12. Are you counting the days to Christmas with excited anticipation or dread?
I’m not counting until Monday. Then by Tuesday it will be Wednesday. By Wednesday it will be Friday. And by Saturday, it will almost be time to shill for Valentine’s Day.

Holiday of Lust
13. When was the last time you had your photo taken with Santa? Did you sit on his lap?
It was 1981. I don’t remember if I sat in his lap, but I do remember that I asked about a change of address form.
14. Do you make a Christmas list for your spouse or significant other or do you rely on them to pick your gift(s) without a clue from you?
I don’t issue a list, but I do give plenty of clues.
15. When do you put up your tree?
Apparently, in 2009.
16. Real or fake?
It’s not fake, it’s artificial. There’s a difference.
17. When do you take your tree down?
Traditionally, the tree must be up for all twelve days of Christmas. This assumes that you put the tree up on the 24th or 25th. Most people put it up much earlier, and for that reason, I think it ought to go by New Year’s Eve.
18. Do you shop the day after Christmas sales? What do you shop for?
No, thanks. I’m already shopped-out. I think we all are.
19. Is your work/office having a holiday party this year? Will you attend?
They already have and I already did. And if you’re wondering who threw up on your lawn, it was “Christmas.”
20. Do you have your New Year’s Eve Plans set yet?
Yes, I’m going to etch my name into the moon with a giant laser beam.

If you’ve ever wondered what mock English sounds like, give this a listen. Seriously, it’s like a musical Lorem Ipsum. I think I can recognize the words “Tuesday,” “Maybe,” “Ice,” and “Oh, Sunday!” but that’s probably just pattern recognition.

Prisencolinensinainciusol, by Adriano Celentano (1972)

What’s on your desktop this week? I’ve gone back to outer space. This image originally came from an article on the Sputnik satellite. I flipped it around and simplified the background.

Sputnik

beep... beep... beep...

It’s amazing to think that this was the first spacecraft. It was basically just a flying radio beacon, and was only in orbit for a few months, but it led the United States and the Soviet Union into the space race.

Now Reading: Permutation City by Greg Egan

Just Finished: Remember Here When You Are There by Larry Marder

It’s no exaggeration that fans of the Beanworld have been waiting for Remember Here When You Are There for fifteen years. The last issue of the comic series was published in 1993, and the publisher went out of business in 1994. The creator of the series went on to other projects at that time. It wasn’t until I wandered into Larry Marder’s panel at Comic-Con that I learned that he planned to finally continue the story.

It’s a story of beans (as you might guess,) walking, talking beans who live on an island on the Thin Lake— the Beanworld. They’re watched over by their silent spiritual guardian, Gran’Ma’Pa. Sometimes resembling a tree, a brain, or a mushroom cloud, Gran’Ma’Pa is the source of life in the Beanworld. From time to time, Gran’Ma’Pa buds off a vocal Sprout-Butt, which signals the beans that it’s time for a Chow Raid against their neighbors, the Hoi-Polloi. The beans steal a substance called Chow, which the beans consume, but is used by the Hoi-Polloi as currency. At the end of the raid, the beans leave the Sprout-Butt behind as a peace offering. There, it is turned into a fresh batch of Chow.

It’s been said that “the Beanworld is not just a place, it’s a process.” As complicated as that all sounds, there’s more. The Beanworld is only a tiny subset of the Big-Big-Picture, itself undoubtedly a fiendishly complicated process of its own, its workings only glimpsed in passing. And as simple as the life of the beans appears, there are signs that something happened just before the story began, something terrible that upset the process of life in the Beanworld, and turned it into “quite the ecological disaster” as one wise character described it.

I look forward to the continuation of the Tales of the Beanworld. The original comic series and this new book comprise a “Springtime” cycle. It will be followed by Summer, Fall, and Winter cycles.