HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY:
- 1. What do you think of Valentine’s Day?
- I believe that there are two kinds of holidays: gift holidays and party holidays. Gift holidays are created or commandeered by marketers in order to manipulate consumers into buying products. Not surprisingly, I prefer the party holidays.
- 2. Are you romantic?
- Romantic is a word that is used so often that it’s lost any clear meaning. One might expect the definition of romantic to simply be a list of things such as scented candles, rose petals, champagne, a fireplace, and some funky bucka chicka wow wow from the hi-fi. But it is not. In fact, the definition of romantic boils down to something like impractical idealism. So in that sense, no, I do not consider myself romantic.
- 3. Candy or Flowers?
- Candy. What good are flowers? You look at them for a few days before they shrivel and have to be thrown away, and they generally aren’t very tasty.
- 4. What is Valentine’s Day like when you’re single?
- On one hand, one doesn’t suffer the obligation of paying tribute to one’s sweetheart, but on the other hand, one is constantly reminded of the lack of the sweetheart to pay tribute to. I’d call it a wash.
- 5. What do you plan on doing this Valentine’s Day?
- I shall do my part to deflate the Valentine’s Day juggernaut by not buying any gifts, nor patronizing any restaurants or amusement parks. Call it Buy Nothing Day, Part Two.
- 6. Your relationship is ending, do you break up before or after?
- Before would be better. That way he could at least return any expensive gifts he’d been planning on giving. I’d expect the same courtesy.
- 7. What was your WORST Valentine’s Day?
- I’d just transferred into a new elementary school. The teacher had the idea that I should deliver the valentines to learn the other students’ names. Sure, it sounds like a sensible plan, but I apparently got a lot of students mixed up, and of course, little children are not tactful when giving criticism.
- 8. What was your BEST Valentine’s Day?
- I was going to list this as WORST, but after thinking on it, it actually was a good day. A while back, I was talked into going on a zombie walk. My pack of zombies and I had a bit of trouble finding the route, and ended up wandering through downtown far from the main zombie horde. We never found the main horde, and instead ended up attending a concert and eating late-night waffles while still coated in gray grease paint and fake blood.
Do you expect to have sex because it’s Valentine’s Day?
- Not unless I’ve also been treated to expensive gifts and a fancy dinner, and then find myself surrounded by scented candles, rose petals, champagne, a fireplace, and some funky bucka chicka wow wow from the hi-fi.