An Open Letter to a Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

Let me begin by applauding your work ethic. Not too many people have the sort of dedication needed to continue working until well after midnight. Let alone when that work involves power tools. Extremely loud power tools, at that.

I accept that you believe your property to be, through some random fluke of gerrymandering, zoned for industrial use, and therefore exempt from ordinances regarding operation of construction equipment. However, I feel the need to point out that all the lots surrounding you are quite assuredly residences. While the people residing in those residences may not be quite as dedicated as yourself when it comes to work, I guarantee you that most of them do, in fact, put in an honest day in order to put food on their own tables.

Now, I’m sure this is difficult for someone with an inhuman stamina such as yours to understand, but it’s very difficult to put in a full, honest day’s work, without a full, honest night’s rest. Sadly, those of us mere mortals who lack the discipline to simply will ourselves to sleep, find rest somewhat difficult when the neighborhood echoes with the sound of power tools in the wee hours.

Dear neighbor, please set down the power tool and just walk away. If you can not do so in compassion for your fellow man, then please think of the economy. Think of the drag that all your neighbors place on the economy when it takes each of them an extra hour or so to overcome the effects of deprivation and get up and running again.

The Electronic Replicant

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2 thoughts on “An Open Letter to a Neighbor”

  1. We go through this a few times a year with our neighbors. Though they aren’t working, unless being drunk and blasting music until the police stop you — twice in one early morning — is considered work.

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