I’m sure you’re all wondering where I’ve been.
Perhaps I… stowed away on the Space Shuttle!
What do you mean it hasn’t landed yet? Er…
Okay, I’ve been working on a (dramatic pause) secret project! In a secret location alongside the nation’s top men.
Yeah… that’s it… I’ve been doing inventory in a creepy old warehouse. A creepy warehouse full of dangerous historical artifacts.
You… You say you’ve heard that one before?
Okay, fine, the Director of Operations locked me in the basement.
To do inventory.
And I had to pretend that I was on the Space Shuttle.