The TV Challenge continues…
TV Doctors. Which TV doctor would you choose to remove your appendix? Which TV doctor would you not let touch you with a 10- foot pole?

In the case of an urgent medical emergency, such as appendicitis, there is really only one TV doctor that comes to mind. He is even called simply “The Doctor.”

This doctor is not, however, a certain time-traveling adventurer. That Doctor is not exactly a practitioner of internal medicine. While I’m sure he’d be far from be helpless in such a situation (if nothing else, he could use the TARDIS as an ambulance) he seems to be more of a holistic adjuster of cosmic imbalances, a timeywimeologist, if you will.

No, the doctor I’m thinking of specializes in medical emergencies. You might say he was made for them. A dodgy appendix would be a piece of cake to this one. (Treatment might require little more than a hypospray and a wave of a technobabbly gewgaw.) This doctor is none other than…

…The Starfleet Emergency Medical Hologram.

As for which doctor I wouldn’t let near me with a ten-foot pole, that’s kind of a tie.

vs

On the left, Dr. Zoidberg, an insane fish monster who apparently has trouble telling human males apart from females. On the right, Dr. Thaddeus Venture, a failure of a mad scientist. Zoidberg, at least, somehow remains employed by Planet Express and has demonstrated lifesaving medical skills on at least one occasion. But, still, insane fish monster. On the other hand, Venture has a habit of cutting corners, and possibly faking much of his alleged super-science skills. I’d rather let his neighbor, the mystical Dr. Orpheus, voodoo my appendix out.

Wait, I sense an objection. I’ve done nothing but name science fiction and animated doctors. Very well, for those of you that insist I name at least one serious TV doctor, here’s a third TV doctor that I wouldn’t want going after my appendix.

Sure, pat my hand and tell me it will be all right. Just turn on the hologram on your way out.

The TV Challenge continues.
You need to hire a bodyguard for yourself. Which TV cop do you choose?

I must have hated this question since it took me such a long time to stop procrastinating and post the answers. Maybe I hated the answers? Well, maybe not hate, but I certainly suspected I could have come up with better answers. You tell me. Here are the three finalists:

Number Three: The Judoon, Doctor Who

The Judoon serve as a mercenary police force for the Shadow Proclamation, which is apparently the closest thing the Galaxy has to a government. Therefore, if I had one (or more) of these as bodyguard, that might mean I was something like the President of the Galaxy. Hoopy! Unfortunately, they are grumpy and ugly and probably don’t smell very nice, either.

Number Two: Ziva David, NCIS

Not only is Agent David currently employed by a non-fictional federal law enforcement agency, she’s also a former Mossad agent. (One who, I think, enjoys tormenting her coworkers with half-correct idioms.) The point is, I’d probably be pretty safe. Probably. Something makes me want to say that the NCIS team doesn’t exactly have a perfect record when it comes to bodyguarding. But what’s a dead witness or two when Drama is at stake?

Number One Michael Westen, Burn Notice

Like Agent David, Michael Westen is also a former intelligence agent. Unlike Agent David, Michael Westen is currently unemployed (or self-employed, depending on your point of view.) Westen is now pretty much a bodyguard for hire, helping those in need by judiciously demonstrating his espionage and demolition skills to the viewers. Unfortunately, his style of protection can range anywhere from being instructed to “Just stay in here and be quiet,” to “Go over there and taunt the man who wants to kill you.”