The TV Challenge Continues…
TV Cops. Who is your favorite (past or present) TV cop? Which TV cop do you think was the most crooked, or the most inept?

At last! A chance to prove that I watch something besides cartoons and science fiction! Yes, I watch mainstream police procedurals! (Though I do like to argue that CSI is, in fact, science-fiction. Think about it. How might near-future advances in forensic technology affect our lives?)

Favorite (past or present) TV cop?
Hmm, tough one. I had to think about this one for a few minutes. In the end, I chose someone who is not, in fact, a cop, but someone who often works with them closely. He is a psychologist who is often consulted by the police and victims during investigations.

Dr. Cal Lightman of Lie To Me zeroes in on subtle tells in the demeanor of those he’s investigating. He uses his obnoxious demeanor to throw interviewees off balance, then uses his knowledge of psychology to appear almost to peer directly into their minds.

Which was the most crooked?
Now that’s an easy one. The monstrous Vic Mackey from The Shield.

In the first episode, he shot another cop in the face and blamed it on the den of drug dealers that they both just massacred. It gets worse from there, as the detective weaves a web of blackmail and corruption, douses himself and his team thoroughly in the blood of the not-entirely-innocent, and spins wheels within wheels as he turns gangs and criminals against one another. He even turns the very police department against itself, several times.

Which was the most inept?
That’s also an easy one. Inspector Gadget.

Imagine, if you will, James Bond crossed with the Six Million Dollar Man. Hidden among his bionic limbs are a laser torch, an automatic lockpick, vision enhancements, and a personal flying apparatus. Awesome, right? Okay, now imagine that this hypothetical character is also an idiot. Imagine that he is such an idiot that the chief of police will only meet with him away from the police station, in disguise, and only does so in order to dispense some fools’ errand to keep this hypothetical character as far away from any actual police work as possible. Imagine that this hypothetical character is such an idiot that in attempting these errands, he is continuously and unwittingly saved by his pre-teen niece and her dog.

That hypothetical character is Inspector Gadget. I think it’s pretty clear that the cyborgification process that he underwent left him with brain damage of some sort.

The TV Challenge continues…
What character from a “Classic” TV show would you like to be?

Back in the day, I’d have been thrilled to be anybody aboard the Enterprise. I think I still would be. Who wouldn’t? Your job description is to to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before. Yes, there is a very small chance that you’ll be disintegrated, be eaten, or be turned into a dodecahedron. Even for the ill-fated Red Shirts, the chance of meeting such a doom is only about 3% per year. For other personnel, the chance is much lower: 0.39%.

As for stepping into the shoes of specific characters, I’d probably choose in this order:

The Captain

Who didn’t want to be James T. Kirk? He was in command of the pride of the fleet, had a competent crew serving under him, and was charismatic enough to woo even the most vividly-colored alien women. Still, to do that job, one would have to be not just a quick thinker, but a diplomat and, worst of all, a people person. I wouldn’t turn the position down, but I’d have to think about it.

Scotty

When I was little, I always imagined that it would be great fun to have nothing to do all day but tinker with consoles covered in flashing lights, plugging this into that, and turning the power up to eleven. Now, my job is pretty much to do just that, except that there are no Klingons shooting at me, and if I screw something up, nobody will actually die (except possibly from self-induced heart attacks.) But still… I’d think about it.

Spock

I suspect that Spock is probably the most popular character of the franchise. He’s the very symbol of emotional restraint and rationality. He was also the head of sciences aboard the Enterprise, and most likely had important duties such as organizing research teams and allocating laboratory resources. Of course we never saw any of this, because he was always too busy answering questions such as “What’s on that planet?” or “What is that thing?” or “What just happened?” Again, pretty similar to what I do every day. And again, I’d definitely think about it.

What is your favorite “Classic” TV show?

I suppose that will all depend on your definition of classic TV. Wikipedia’s definition of a classic is “something old that is still popular.” Okay, great, but what’s officially “old,” and what’s officially “popular?” A lot of it is up to one’s personal taste, as Wikipedia admits.

So I’ll just decree that an “old” TV show is anything that first aired before 1990 or earlier. This will let me consider shows that I actually remember watching, such as Cheers and Star Trek TNG rather than those that I’ve heard more of than actually seen, such as The Carol Burnett Show or All In The Family. This is not to say that I’m totally ignorant of pre-1980′s television. I’ve seen classics such as MASH, Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie. This was courtesy of re-runs on the local low-budget broadcast station and cheap parents who wouldn’t spring for cable.

The clear winner is, perhaps obviously, classic Star Trek. One summer, the local TV station aired each episode of the original series in order, and I had coincidentally found or been given a book containing a synopsis of each episode. I was quite the Trek trivia buff by the end of the summer.

Now I’ve gone and done it, haven’t I? I’ve mentioned both TOS and TNG in the same blog post and have actually chosen one over the other. Do I get some kind of Nerd Prize? Do I at least get a flame war started in my honor? No? A nasty comment thread?

Man, the classic Internet would have been all over that.

It seems that I’ve been out of ideas lately, yes, ideas or maybe mojo. Or moxie. Or get-up-and-go-for-it-ness. Or flan. No, certainly not flan.

In any case, I found some TV memes that I’ve somehow fused together into what I’m calling
The Television 30 Day Challenge, which I intend to embark upon tomorrow, and will (if experience is any guide) conclude no sooner than 30 days from now.

1. TV Theme songs. Which is your favorite, and which makes you crazy enough to hit mute on the remote?
2. The Classics. What is your favorite “Classic” TV show?
3. What character from a “Classic” TV show would you like to be?
4. Can you remember a line you liked from a “Classic” TV show?
5. Heroes. What show featuring those who protect your country (fiction or non-fiction) is your favorite?
6. TV Cops. Who is your favorite (past or present) TV cop? Which TV cop do you think was the most crooked, or the most inept?
7. You need to hire a bodyguard for yourself. Which TV cop do you choose?
8. TV Doctors. Which TV doctor would you choose to remove your appendix? Which TV doctor would you not let touch you with a 10- foot pole?
9. TV Moms. Which TV mom would you have liked to have had for your own? Is there a TV mom you would never want as your own?
10. TV Dads. Which TV Dad would you have most liked to have for your own dad? On the flipside, who was the TV Dad you’d have least liked to have had?
11. Comedies. How do you feel about sitcoms? Good, wholesome fun or saccharine inanity?
12. If your life was a sitcom, what would the title be?
13. If you went to a comedy club on amateur night, and they gave you some jokes and a microphone, would you go onstage?
14. Reality. Are you a fan of “Reality TV”? What’s your “can’t miss” reality TV show (or shows), or what reality TV show do you suppose the devil plays on the TV in Hell as punishment?
15. If you were given a free ticket to be on any reality show, which one would you choose?
16. Talk Shows. Do you watch daytime talk TV? If so, do you prefer the calm shows like Oprah or the wilder side like Jerry Springer?
17. Which daytime talk TV show would you like to be on? What would the topic be?
18. Before talk TV took over game shows ruled the airways during the day, which do you prefer? Or are you a soap opera fan?
19. Is there a game show (past or present) you think you would do really well on, as a contestant?
20. Who is your favorite game show host? Who is your least favorite?
21. Marathons, Have you watched any TV marathons? In part? In whole? Is there a show you’d like to see run an all day marathon? On the flipside is there a show you’d avoid in marathon?
22. Out of curiosity, what’s the longest you’ve ever watched TV in one stretch?!
23. On the whole do you feel most Special Reports are really that special? Or are they simply annoying? What special report has effected you most? (IE: (9/11, Reagan being shot…etc)
24. What is the (pick one: stupidest, saddest, silliest, most disgusting..) thing you’ve ever seen on TV?
25. What’s your fondest memory of something on TV?
26. What’s the first show you remember watching regularly?
27. What shows would make up a perfect night of TV viewing for you?
28. You get to create one show to put on the schedule, with any stars you choose. Who and what would it be?
29. Canceling or Not. What show(s) would you cancel without a moment’s hesitation? Is there a show (previously canceled or just no longer airing) that you’d bring back, original cast and all?
30. What’s the best series finale you remember?