The question has been posed: What do you feed the monster under your bed?
Monster? What monster?
Oh, him? I don’t really feed him. I think he scavenges on socks and such. He seems to particularly enjoy gloves and rubber sandals, but he seems to be unable to finish an entire pair. I think he also ate a knit cap that I haven’t seen in a while, a Padres t-shirt, and the belt off my bathrobe.
Hmm. Now that I think about it, I probably should be feeding him.