Dear Low-Flow Toilet,
I know why you’re here. I understand that conserving water is important. I know you use a third of the water that a standard toilet uses. Now here’s our problem. If I have to flush you three times before you’re safe to use again, then haven’t your supposedly water-saving features actually cost me an extra flush?
Why can’t you be more like the industrial toilet at work? I press a button and ba-VOOM! All evidence is gone in an instant. Truly, the flush of the gods. Capricious, jealous gods who punish lowly mortals who dare gaze into the vortex of the beyond with a squall of cootie-water, but gods nonetheless.
As far as I can tell, the only difference between the two of you is that you have a tank full of water, and it has a tank full of machinery. Some sort of steampunk contraption that harnesses vacuum energy and converts it into hydraulic momentum, no doubt.
In conclusion, dear Low-Flow Toilet, consider this your final verbal reprimand. Should you continue your poor performance, punitive action will be taken. With prejudice.
The Electronic Replicant.