Holy Crap!

Holy crap! I just had a terrible scare when I thought I have not updated this since I had to start working to pay the ridiculous food and petrol prices to feed my kids… You would not believe that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones. Stupid Global Warming!

Oh, wait… I’ve used that one before, haven’t I?

Uhm… Okay, would you believe that I got so distracted by tracking down the sinister forces that control our lives that I could hardly tie my shoes– and then my water heater exploded. I am so much of a space cadet sometimes! Anyway, I hope my new meditation program clears up the problem this week.

You say you’ve heard that one before, too?

Well, would you take pity on me if I said that constipation has made me into a walking time bomb?

No, I don’t have a note from my doctor, but he did tell me to wear this warning sign:

Well, yeah, he’s not a very good doctor. But he has got a degree… in murderology. And another in murderonomy.  And he’s actually a some kind of sea monster.

Uhm… yeah. A sea monster. So there.

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