The 29-Er Meme

And now, Sunday Stealing. I know you’ve all been waiting with breathless anticipation for this very moment, so without further ado, let’s commence.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Bill Gates.
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
I wasn’t sure, so I looked up Romanticism. It was a movement against not only the social and political norms of the Age of Enlightenment, but also the scientific rationalization of nature. It stressed the experience of strong emotions, such as trepidation, horror, and awe, particularly when confronted by untamed nature and its picturesque qualities. I’m now fairly certain that I’ve never had a meal prepared or served in such a style.
3. How many colleges did you attend?
I don’t remember. I’m pretty sure I didn’t finish where I started, but the stuff between the start and the end is all sort of a blur of vomit and professors… so… yeah…
4. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was the last clean shirt in the closet.
5. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Oh, no, not again.
6. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Is that my alarm clock going off?
7. What do you miss being a child?
Being a child, you miss working, bosses, and taxes, though you don’t miss out on them for long.
8. What errand/chore do you despise?
Laundry. This is because I have to physically haul bags and bags of dirty socks to the laundromat.
9. Have you found real love yet?
Oh, nice loaded question! The question presumes that one is either looking for real love or has stopped because it was found. However, there are other valid states such as: stopped because it was not found; and never started. And anyway, what is "real" love? We can’t measure love with thermometers, electrodes, or statisitical analysis. We can only observe the behavior of others and theorize about its existence. We may find something that we conclude to be "real" when it matches our criteria. But our criteria may be faulty and we may mistakenly accept a low-fidelity facsimile or a bona fide counterfeit. Then again, a facsimile may be close enough for practical purposes…
10. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Depressed and frustrated.
11. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
I assume this question refers to the ceremony rather than the institution. Yes, I think the ceremony is a little old-fashioned, not to mention a potentially huge waste of money, what with the famous statistic that 50% of all first marriages will end in divorce. However, it is obviously important enough to some people to have the pomp, grandeur and fanfare of a ceremony, and who am I to deprive them of that?
12. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
The Chairman of Kitchen Stadium. You know that would be a meal to remember.
13. Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Yes, but I think I was overreacting.
14. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
Hollywood, presuming it wasn’t flattened in tonight’s earthquake.
15. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Oh, a false dilemma, now? This questionnaire gets better and better. The thing is that one can have multiple simultaneous careers and relationships. And, no, I’m not necessarily talking about cheating. There are other sorts of relationships besides amorous ones. Even so, the answer is "career," so long as it’s lucrative enough to maintain my lifestyle creditors in the style to which they are accustomed.
16. Do you have a “go to” person?
No, but I seem to have a lot of "come from" people.
17. Are you where you want to be in life?
There’s always room for improvement.
18. Over the years, what about you do you think has changed the most?
I believe that I’ve grown grumpy and impatient. Or rather, more grumpy and impatient. Slightly more, anyway.
19. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
Ha! NO!
20. Are there times you still feel like a kid?
It’s usually first thing in the morning, and goes something like, "I don’t wanna go to work today. I don’t wanna. I don’t wannaaaaaa!" Oh, wait, you said feel, not act. Never mind.
21. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
I don’t know. I wasn’t the sort to get invited to such spots.
22. Who do you think impacted your life the most?
Are you sure you didn’t mean to say, "Who do you think had the greatest impact on your life?" Impacted means much the same thing as jammed, e.g., an impacted bowel due to constipation, an impacted wisdom tooth growing in sideways.
23. Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out for you?
Yeah, there was this really great math teacher who saw that we could all do better. He made all of us students work harder, and we eventually took the AP Calculus exam, and did so well that we were accused of cheating. Then, when the Cylons attacked he led us to safety. Wait, I think I’m thinking of Edward James Olmos. Never mind.
24. Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age”?
I’ve recently started to.
25. What is the scariest thing that has happened to you as an adult?
That I’m telling stories that begin with "when I was your age."
26. What advice would you give to someone about to get married?
Enjoy your Prop 8, bitches.
27. What advice would you give someone starting their first job?
Why bother? They won’t understand until they’re old and bitter.
28. If you could go back and change one thing you did, what would it be?
I think it would be more effective to just go and smack some sense back into my high school self. But I doubt he’d understand until he was old and bitter.
29. If you could go back and change one thing someone else did, what would it be?
Sunbird used to make a Thai Chicken sauce mix. Then they canceled it. That’s what I’d change.
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