Project Weather Dominator

Holidailies asks, "What’s your ideal holiday weather report?"

I’d say my ideal report is that a storm of some sort is coming in. Hear me out. Not a raging destructive typhoon, of course, but just something that reminds you that it’s there, and that the place you want to be is inside. Something that sighs through the trees and pitter-pats on the roof and windows. While rain would the bill, it tends to make things soggy and muddy after a few hours. Roads in particular could become quite treacherous. Guests, assuming they arrived safely, would do so in a damp and disheveled state. So rain would not be my first choice.

How about snow, then? No, it’s such a cliche that I am compelled to dismiss it. In fact, not only do I dismiss real snow, I dismiss any depictions or simulations of snow in a non-snowing climate. It just looks out of place. If you’re assembling a winter-themed display and a girl asks you why there’s coconut all over everything, snow should not be a part of your holiday decor. Poinsettias, holly, mistletoe? Great. Candy canes, nutcrackers, and trains? Fantastic. Angels, wise men and mangers? Fine. Fur socks? You’re pushing it. Snowmen? Nope.

Then there are the hybrid forms of precipitation, sleet and hail, both of which combine the worst qualities of rain and snow. Both are generally disagreeable. While hail would give the nice pitter-pat, falling ice pellets tend to cause a lot of damage. As for sleet, even I don’t like the idea of slush falling from the sky. Unless it were flavored. But no, then we would have a sticky mess outside instead of just a muddy mess. And could you imagine the ant problem there would be afterward?

There is one more option— fog. I think fog might be ideal. Although, like snow, fog lacks the audible reminder that rain brings, but like snow, it can have the same dampening, hushing effect on the world. Unlike snow, there’s no plowing or other cleanup. Like rain, it can make driving treacherous if thick enough, but unlike rain, guests won’t arrive soaked and disheveled. Unlike rain, children can be sent outside to play in it, but unlike snow, they probably won’t be making fogmen or throwing fogballs. But if they do, two words: YouTube.

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4 thoughts on “Project Weather Dominator”

  1. Slush Puppy ice, we get a lot of that here. It would be nice to get some cherry flavor on that stuff.
    LOL. Funny post. Found you on Holidailies.

  2. Ah, you live in San Diego, with probably the best weather in the world, unless, like me, you enjoy the kind of weather we’re having today–overcast, soft rain, clean air, and mild temperatures. Doesn’t rain much in southern California, even San Diego.

  3. Kitty: And then there could be flavor forecasts. “Well, there’s a fruity front moving in which will displace this low-pressure cola system that’s been off shore for the past few days.”
    Rhubarb: Indeed! Though it is nice not having to worry as much about leaving porch furniture, etc. exposed to “the elements.”
    Matthew: So would I.

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