TGI Halloween

It’s Friday? It’s Memeday! Even better, it’s Halloween. This Halloween meme was Googled up from Electronic Cerebrectomy.

What were you last year for Halloween?
Martin Scorsese.
...again
What are you going to be this year?
Just myself.
Cigars are evil, you won't miss them...
Favorite costume you have ever worn?
It was one of three. It could have been the big silver robot suit that I and my mom made of cardboard when I was five. That was a great costume. Or it could have been the big silver Doctor Doom costume that I made of cardboard twenty years later. But I think my favorite costume might have actually been Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. It was surprisingly easy to make— all it took was a black cowl; a sheet of yellow fabric cut into wide strips for the tunic, mask, and belt; and a pair of borrowed bracers.
How do you spend your Halloween?
I can’t remember the last Halloween party I went to. I spent the last few Halloweens handing out candy.
Are you or are you not going trick or treating this year?
Actually, the last time I went trick-or-treating was the same year I wore the Scorpion costume. And, yes, I was obviously past being a teenager by that point. But it was okay, since I was really just escorting my five-year-old brother around the neighborhood… as I insisted to everyone who asked.
Did or do you pull Halloween pranks?
I haven’t in the past, but it might be fun. The infamous War of the Worlds broadcast was a Halloween prank, after all.
Do you believe in ghosts?
As a class of inadequately explained phenomena, yes. As visitation from the dead, not so much.
Are you superstitious?
I used to be. It was very inconvenient. Now I mock superstitions of all sorts.
Do you like caramel popcorn?
Sometimes.
Have you ever gone in the country to look for pumpkins?
No. Well, maybe once or twice when I was little.
Have you ever been on a hayride?
I think I also did that once when I was little, too. It might have been part of the pumpkin expedition, for all I know.
Do you decorate your home for Halloween?
A little. Some lights on the porch. That’s about it.
Have you ever been to a haunted house?
I’ve been to an allegedly haunted house.
Have you ever been to a graveyard on Halloween?
No. I expect it might be quite crowded.
Have you ever attended a Halloween party?
I’ve attended many, though none lately. *pout*
Do you watch scary movies on Halloween?
Not a fan of scary movies, but I might watch a Scary Movie.
Have you ever had your candy stolen from you?
Only by my brother.
Did you ever steal any ones candy?
My brother’s. Hey, he stole it first.
Has anyone ever gotten hurt due to your prank?
Hurt feelings, perhaps.
Have you ever dressed as a witch/warlock?
Once, I dressed as a wizard with a sparkly hat. That’s almost the same thing.
Are your parents into Halloween?
They used to get really into it, but I don’t think they do so much now.
October 31, 2008 | Posted in: amusement | 2 Comments »

Trick or treat!

via make

October 29, 2008 | Posted in: video | 2 Comments »

Now Reading

Now Reading: Olympos by Dan Simmons

Just Finished: Ilium by Dan Simmons

I first discovered Dan Simmons when I read his Hyperion series long ago. Though I was slightly less impressed with the follow-up Endymion series, I was willing to give this new series a try. I was not disappointed. Like another book I read recently, this book followed three groups of characters in different regions of time and space. Fortunately, I never got the feeling that any of the chapters were just chores to be endured to get to the more interesting parts of the narrative.

October 25, 2008 | Posted in: now reading | No Comments »

My Evil Plan

Before embarking on Evil™ as a career path, it’s important to have goals and/or objectives. Now, some would-be Evil™ Geniuses are just too busy and/or impatient to formulate and/or articulate these goals and/or objectives. Fortunately, there’s a solution, the Evil™ Plan Generator. Simply choose your preferred form of Evil™ from the menu, and the generator does the rest. Behold my Evil™ Plan:

Your objective is simple: Destroy the Earth.

Your motive is a bit more complex: To show them all

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first clone a superman. This will cause the world to give one another worried looks, overwhelmed by your arrival. Who is this evil genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?

Stage Two

Next, you must sabotoge the moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a air fortress, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will spontaneously combust, as countless hordes of computer programmers hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must activate your doomsday device, bringing about something that’s really metal. Your name shall become synonymous with insanity, and no man will ever again dare roll his or her eyes. Everyone will bow before your incredible power, and the world will have no choice but to make you their new god.

via Gooster

October 23, 2008 | Posted in: amusement | No Comments »

Return of the Lazy Blogger

A Day in the Life of Joe Sixpack

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer’s medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance—now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe’s employer pays these standards because Joe’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn’t think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers’ Home Administration because bankers didn’t want to make rural loans.

The house didn’t have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn’t have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are evil and conservatives are good.

He doesn’t mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoyed throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don’t need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I’m a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

A. N. Onymous

via BentonQuest

October 22, 2008 | Posted in: misc | No Comments »

To The Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

Looking around the neighborhood, I can’t help but notice the proliferation of "Yes on 8" flags on some of your lawns, and the matching stickers on some of your cars. Although I disagree with your opinion, I respect your right to express it.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a lawn of my own on which to plant an opposing flag. But, I can pass this video around.

via jestertunes

Sincerely,

The Electronic Replicant

October 14, 2008 | Posted in: letters, video | 3 Comments »

Now Reading

Now Reading: Ilium, by Dan Simmons

Just Finished: Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card.

I was a pleasantly surprised that I liked this book a little more than I prepared to, even though it was basically a straightforward Chosen One story in the style of Star Wars or The Matrix. I found the theme of this book to be pretty similar to The Sword of Truth series. That is, a young man discovers strength within himself and uses it to defeat his enemies.

This is a slightly older book, published in 1985, based on a short story written in 1977. Just as with Wetware, it’s interesting to see how themes and ideas have developed since then. For example, in Ender’s Game, students are provided with desks (portable computers) that can run a "fantasy game," which psychologically analyzes and specially guides each student. This peripheral concept is made into a central theme by the later Diamond Age, Or A Young Lady’s Illustrated Primer, which explores it more fully.

In conclusion, not at all a bad book, but I think I prefered Diamond Age. Oh, and Neuromancer. ;)

October 12, 2008 | Posted in: now reading | No Comments »

Another Letter to Voters

Dear Voters,

Many of you will vote for President based on who you think might or might not raise taxes. I would like to remind you that the President does not directly set tax policy. In fact, this is the responsibility of Congress. The President may veto any bills he pleases, tax-related or not, and may make suggestions to Congress, but the President’s only official connection to taxes is to execute the policy implemented by Congress.

If you are really concerned with taxes, you may wish to take a look at your representatives in Congress. I know most of you don’t. You vote for the President, and if your Senator or Representative happens to be up for reelection at the same time, you tick the box for the incumbent, thinking, sure, he must be doing a good job. Some of you even may even do this when the incumbent has been in office for decades while collecting loads of money from wealthy special interests. This time, please ask yourself how well such an individual really represents you, your neighborhood, or your city. Then vote with your conscience.

Sincerely,

The Electronic Replicant

October 5, 2008 | Posted in: letters | 1 Comment »

TGI Memeday

It’s Friday, so it’s time for Friday Five.

1. Love at First Sight: Fact or Fiction?
Fact. Though the fact is that it is statistically possible for two people, upon meeting, to not only feel a strong mutual attraction, but also to have compatible personalities. Rare, but possible.
2. Fortune Telling: Fact or Fiction?
Fact. Though the fact is that the trick is to get the fortune tellee to talk about their problems. The cards and such are a prompt. Any prophecies will be of the self-fulfilling sort.
3. Other Life: Fact or Fiction?
As in past lives? Fiction, as I’ve seen no convincing evidence.
4. Afterlife: Fact or Fiction?
Fiction. Again, I’ve seen no convincing evidence.
5. Bigfoot: Fact or Fiction?
Fact. Though the fact is, it’s clearly a man in a suit.
October 3, 2008 | Posted in: amusement | 2 Comments »

An Open Letter to the Voters of California

Dear Voters of the State of California,

In about a month, you’ll be asked your opinions on several important issues, such as who should be the next President of the United States. I am willing to bet that most of you will choose Barack Obama. That would be great, since it would send the message that it’s time for a new generation to lead the country.

Of course, some strange and unforeseen circumstance (cosmic rays interacting with fluoride in the tap water, perhaps) could cause a few more of you to choose John McCain. That would be unfortunate, but at least we could try to vote him out of office in another four years.

But then, there’s Proposition 8, which will amend the State Constitution to recognize marriages only between heterosexual couples. Unlike Presidents, amendments to the State Constitution are pretty much permanent. If you’re undecided, this permanence should be reason enough to vote no. If you vote yes, then when somewhere down the line you realize that the amendment was a mistake, it will not be easy to undo.

Amending your State Constitution is not something to be done trivially. If it is done at all, it should be for one of two reasons. First, to change the structure of the government itself, for example, to change the Assembly into a Parliament. Second, to underscore the rights of the citizens, as was done with the Federal Bill of Rights.

You should never amend your Constitution to withhold rights from any citizens, especially in an attempt to conform behavior to a particular brand of morality. Do you recall Prohibition? Yes, that was a great success, wasn’t it?

The fact is that all couples must have an equal chance at happiness. After all, the unalienable rights found to be self-evident by the Declaration of Independence are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Does allowing Mr. and Mr. So-and-So to officially refer to themselves as such deprive anybody else of their rights? No? Does granting insurance benefits to Ms. and Ms. Such-and-Such deprive anybody else of their rights? No? In fact, the only action that would deprive anybody of any rights would be the amendment of the State Constitution.

I hope you make the right choice.

Sincerely,

The Electronic Replicant.

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October 2, 2008 | Posted in: letters | 3 Comments »
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