Crispy® Bacon on Lumpy Sandwiches

Let’s talk about sandwiches again. I’d like to discuss two things that certain sandwich shops and other eateries do completely wrong.

One Big Lump Of Filling

Why is it that some sandwich makers pile all of the meat, cheese, veggies, etc. into one giant heap in the center of the sandwich? Yes, I can easily remove one slice of bread and redistribute the fillings more evenly, but I shouldn’t have to. There should be a little of everything in every bite. There should not be a gargantuan, horse-choking wad of stuff in the first bite, and there should not be bread alone in all the remaining bites.

While I’m on the subject of uneven filling distribution, why is it that burrito makers almost always put the fillings down in zones, so that you have only rice at one end of the burrito, and only guacamole at the other end of the burrito, with a segregated spectrum of other ingredients in between? Again, I could unroll my burrito and reintegrate the ingredients myself, but again, I shouldn’t have to. There should be a little bit of everything in each bite. If you’ve got to put down your fillings in stripes for portion control reasons, fine, but at least make them run in parallel.

Crispy Brand Bacon

Advertisements for many different eateries always insist that they serve crispy bacon, but in reality, the bacon is always floppy, stringy and/or chewy. I’ve come to the conclusion that in this context, the word crispy is not an adjective, but is in fact a brand name, e.g. "Enjoy our new Crispy® bacon cheese burger with Crispy BRAND Bacon! It’s the crispiest!™"

Now, there are some places that do get bacon (and filling distribution) right. For example, there’s a little deli near my beloved place of employment that puts the best bacon on their sandwiches. Oddly enough, or perhaps not so oddly, all the places that I can think of that serve really good bacon aren’t chains. Now, why is that?

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