Double Letter Score

Dear People Parking Across The Street,

If I had the power to paint that curb red, I’d have done it already. If I could put up "No Parking" signs, I’d be out there with a jackhammer right now. If I had a fake fire hydrant, or even a ready supply of traffic cones, I’d set them out.

Why? The sun, dear People Parking Across The Street, the sun. The shiny bits of your car catch the cheerful sunlight just so, focusing it into laser-like beams of natural daylight, which are then reflected directly into my eyeballs. Try as I might to avoid these blinding beams of pure sunshine, the only escape seems to be to drape my arm melodramatically across my face…

... and then stumble away in a bedazzled stupor.

If you could simply never park under my window during daylight hours ever again, I would greatly appreciate it.


The Electronic Replicant

Dear Vertical Blinds,

As a window covering, you leave much to be desired. No matter how I twist them or turn them, your slats always seem to leave gaps through which sunlight can enter and through which people can peer. You jam up at the slightest provocation. Let’s not even mention how fragile the fingers holding up your gap-toothed slats are.

In my opinion, dear Vertical Blinds, you are useless! How I hate you!


The Electronic Replicant

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