Breaking the Blogatorium

Creativity is a funny thing. Sometimes it leaves you for oh, a week or so, and sometimes it comes back without ever explaining where it’s been and why there are so many strange charges on your credit cards. Sometimes it just sits on your couch and ignores your requests for it to take out the trash, and other times it smacks you in the back of the head and says, " Time to play Questions, Questions!"

1. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
I can hardly sit down for a game of Monopoly without cheating.
2. What did you do today that was productive?
This.
3. When’s the last time you kissed someone?
Just yesterday I put lipstick on my hand, and… oh, you mean someone else.
4. What is one thing you question a lot?
Why I answer all these questionnaires.
5. Do you think you lead people on?
Huh. Maybe that’s why some people don’t like me.
6. Are you married?
Why do you ask? Was I leading you on or something?
7. Have you ever told someone that you loved them?
That is typically part of the leading-on business.
8. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?
People I’ve led on, people I haven’t led on, people I’ve met, and also, people I haven’t met.
9. Do you miss someone?
Meh, friends and exes, the usual.
10. Did any of your friends go out with any of your exes?
If they have, then they’ve wisely not mentioned it.
11. Are looks important?
Nah, I look all the time.
12. What are you wearing?
Clothes, duh.
13. Are you mad at someone right now?
Yes, whoever wrote this questionnaire.
14. Are you talking to anyone?
Yes, an imaginary voice from my computer that keeps asking me the most inane questions.
15. Where do you keep your money?
Nowhere. I find keeping money to be quite difficult in this economy.
16. How did you wake up this morning?
First I ate a piece of toast, then I brushed my teeth…
17. Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
As a concept, sunrise.
18. Would you die for someone?
Myself. In your face, logic!
19. Last time in the hospital?
Let’s hope so.
20. How many letters are in your last name?
1,024
21. Do you love anyone?
Nah, I don’t believe in love. I also don’t believe in motherhood, apple pie, baseball, rainbows, puppies, or the power of laughter.
22. How was your day?
Fine, until Dr. Zoidberg threw an octopus at my window.
23. Are you scared of spiders?
Not as much as I am of Communists global thermonuclear war the ozone layer Saddam Hussein Global Warming Al-Qaeda Saddam Hussein Kim-Jong Il Saddam Hussein limited thermonuclear war George Bush poisonous Chinese imports the economy.
24. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
Not anymore.
25. How do you walk?
First you move one foot, then the other. Try not to fall down.
26. What do you think of Fergie?
I don’t.
27. Do you believe in love?
I just said as much. Aren’t you listening?
28. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
Eleven, so we can go out for beers this Friday.
29. What’s your favorite food?
It’s for sure not sushi.
30. When was the last time you threw up?
The last time I ate sushi.
31. Do you curse a lot?
No, but I swear like a drunken sailor.
32. What do you know about the future?
It’ll be here tomorrow.
33. Do you hate your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
I’ve never even dated a transgender so this is not applicable.
34. Do you only drink bottled water?
No, it’s got other uses, too.
35. Are you happier single or in a relationship?
No.
36. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
No, but I deserve at least six billion of them.
37. Would you believe your ex if she/he said they love you?
Again, I’ve never dated a transgender… let alone one with multiple personality disorder.
38. Most hated food?
Again, sushi.
39. Do you wish someone would call you?
No, it would probably just be a telemarketer, or worse, a bill collector.
40. What’s something you wish you could understand better?
The pink and rubbery pre-chewed bubblegum mind of a person who’d put together such a questionnaire.
41. If someone doesn’t like you, it’s usually because?
Yes, it usually is just because.
42. What are you excited about?
That this questionnaire’s almost over.
43. Kissed someone in the last 24 hrs?
Okay, now I know you aren’t listening.
44. Have you lost friends in the past years?
Yes, but they usually turn up between the seat cushions.
45. If you could go back in time and meet your younger self, what’s the one thing you would tell him/her?
Don’t do the questionnaire!
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4 thoughts on “Breaking the Blogatorium”

  1. Oh, your answers are MUCH better than mine. Thanks for putting a big smile on my face before I drift off to sleep. (Wait…that sounded vaguely dirty, and I don’t even have my webcam turned on.)

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