This Is Your Life

Here’s a little game I found somewhere or other. If you load your music player with your entire collection, then set it for random play, it will somehow predict the soundtrack for an imaginary upcoming film about your life. Well, it couldn’t possibly work, so to totally disprove that theory, I went ahead and tried it myself.

Opening Credits: John Williams, "Star Wars Main Theme". No need to describe this one, is there? My, aren’t we starting out with high hopes!

Waking Up: Toshihiko Sahashi, "Token". This is from The Big O Series II. It sounds very, very familiar, as though it were the opening theme from an Eighties action show. Imagine the theme from Remington Steele played a lot faster by a full brass section, and you won’t be too far off.

First Day of School: John Williams, "Return of the Jedi – Parade of the Ewoks". Aww, look at the cute little kindergarteners as they learn to march in single-file lines!

Falling in Love: School of Fish, "Talk Like Strangers." If nothing else, it’s appropriate to the era. Here are some lyrics. "I can’t help but feel a little ill, when I think of you with somebody else… You don’t find a little time to call.. Don’t be surprised if when you do, we talk like strangers." Oh, no, I’m not a stalker.

First Song: Alice in Chains, "Sunshine." Hmm, it’s got the band’s typical downer sound, and what is it even about? I don’t think it’s appropriate, but what do I know?

Breaking Up: They Might Be Giants, "Dinner Bell." The typical whimsy of TMBG would set the perfect counterpoint to the dropping of the bomb on the hero. Afterward, the bizarreness of the lyrics could be focused on during a brief reaction shot, the better to illustrate the hero’s state of mind as his world crumbles.

Prom: Reflexible, "Martin Kennedy’s Moon Expedition." This sort of music makes me think of wandering a rainy city at night. I guess it might be appropriate after all. Anyway, there’s a sampled speech in the middle that goes like this, "What we need in the United States is not hatred, what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love, and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice to those who still suffer in our country."

Driving: Toshihiko Sahasi, "Painful Dream – Spring St." Again with the Big O II. I do have other albums, really. Think maybe of "Beautiful Dreamer" plucked very slowly and sadly on an acoustic guitar, occasionally accompanied by melodramtic piano chords.

Flashback: Wiseguys, "Start the Commotion." Hm. I always thought this one sounded a bit like a cola commercial. Funny that the happiest-sounding song in the lot is the flashback.

Starting a New Relationship: Pearl Jam, "Porch." This is acceptable because of the chorus: "Hear my name. Take a good look, this could be the day!"

Wedding: 3 Dark Hours, "Exodus – Passover" This is something that iRate downloaded once and Amarok happened to find in my home directory. It’s kind of ominous, actually, and rather reminds me of Tangerine Dream, maybe something from Firestarter.

Birth of Child: Helmet, "Gigantor." My child’s a giant robot? Whoohoo! "Gigantor! Gigantor! Gigantor, the space-age robot! His power’s at your command! Gigantor, the space-age robot! His power’s in your hand! He’s bigger than big, he’s stronger than strong! He’s ready to fight for right… against wrong!"

Final Battle: They Might Be Giants, "James K. Polk." It’s a song about the election of 1846. "In four short years, he met his every goal… having accomplished this he sought no second term." Hey, if my final battle is to be President, and the rest is a picnic, well, I can think of worse fates.

Death Scene: Kula Shaker, "Start All Over." Yeah, it’s actually a break-up song, but I think it’s oddly appropriate to a death scene, too. "Oh, my love, I wish that we could start all over. I’m so gone… Cause I know it was real, no-one else could understand. Take me back. Make me feel. Make me real. I’m so gone… I feel like I’m halfway there…"

Funeral Song: Eurythmics, "Angel." No, not "There Must Be An Angel." This is a very funerary song. And they consider it an oldie? Crikey.

End Credits: They Might Be Giants, "Fingertips." This song is maybe ten seconds long. It goes like so: "I hear the wind blow. I hear the wind blow. It seems to say, ‘Hello, hello, I’m the one who loves you so.’"

Okay… so with a few exceptions, it did seem to work… this time.

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