Questionnaire

Today’s post takes the form of answers to a questionnaire, which was shamelessly stolen from dwq online .

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
No. Should I have been?
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Yes, sometimes. I don’t particularly care for roller coasters.
3. When is the last time you went sledding?
It was 1982. There were no dogs involved, however.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Does this person snore? Hoard the blankets? Kick? Sleepwalk? Sleep talk? Fart? Fidget? Get up very early? Sleep in? Would this person be offended by my doing any of these things? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then I choose "alone."
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Do things happen at certain locations, things for which we have no logical explanation? Yes. Are these things caused by the dead? I doubt it. I believe that the universe is a far stranger place than we so far realize, with many surprises awaiting us.
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Yes.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I don’t know, but he was found not guilty. Our justice system may not be perfect, but it sure beats a lynch mob.
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I’m pretty sure O.J. didn’t kill either of them.
9. Can you honestly say you really know anything about politics?
Of course, I listen to AM radio.
10. Do you know how to play poker?
Uhm… what is this "poker" you speak of? Is it by chance a game of cards? And is money perhaps involved? Yes, I should very much like to learn this game, heh, heh.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
No. Should I have been?
12. What’s your favorite commercial?
The Bacardi & Cola commercial in which this girl spills something on her dress. "A little club soda will get that out." They spray her with the seltzer water, but it’s like Splashdance or something. Now soaking wet, she cheerfully goes back to dancing. "I’m dirty, too!" someone says. Cola says, "Who’s dirty?"
13. Who was your first love?
No, I’m not telling. What if he’s reading this? But if he is, then… hello, how have you been?
14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around, do you go through a red light?
No. That light is red for my safety. Besides, it’s probably got a camera.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Doesn’t everyone?
16. Boston Red Sox or The New York Yankees?
That wouldn’t be much of a secret, now would it?
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
No. Should I have been?
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Whenever my stupid alarm clock doesn’t wake me up,
19. What’s the one thing on your mind right now?
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. I am the modern man with parts made in Japan. Secret! Secret! I’ve got a secret! Machine or mannequin, I am the modern man. (Etc.)
20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Not always, just whenever I’m in a moving vehicle.
21. What talent do you wish you had?
Hypnotism.
22. Do you like sushi?
No.
23. What do you wear to bed?
Most of our culture’s ills come from acting counter to our nature. For example, why are we so obese? It’s because we don’t go outside and walk around, although that’s what our bodies are clearly evolved to do, and it’s because we eat refined sugar and saturated fats rather than the nuts, berries, bugs and rodents we had evolved to eat. Clothing is likewise not in our nature, and so I think it important to let the skin breathe as much as possible. Does that answer your question?
24. Do you truly hate anyone?
There is one individual in partiuclar I’d like to cast into the pit, but to call it true hatred would be an overstatement.
25. If you could meet one famous person, who would it be?
I would like to meet Linus Torvalds or maybe Jon Stewart or Bill Clinton.
26. Do you know anyone in jail?
Not to my knowledge.
27. What food do you find disgusting?
Sushi.
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Doesn’t everyone?
29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes, but it wasn’t for making fun of friends.
30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
I believe Angels and Demons was a much better book than than Da Vinci Code.
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